Shift

 

Shift

First, I was fired. Two weeks later, I was hired. The job didn't pan out due to a laspe of insurance in 2002, which I had no knowledge of until 2005, that was on my driving record. I would have to operate a company car in their lot on occasion, and my NYS driving skills couldn't overcome a three year old piece of paper that was shuffled in a mix-up. Of course I ALWAYS rebound and one week after that, I was hired again. I began the job and low and behold, two days later, another employer thought I was the stuff top rate employees are made of and hired me again! So tomorrow morning I shall report for duty with a great attitude in hopes of prosperity and as of late, the very evasive paycheck.

This last month has been a collage of mood changing experiences for me. I feel like I have been driving with a broken brake fluid line and my clutch is corroded. I was forced to shift to keep up and surpass a set speed limit. Some days I drove into barriers. The dents sent me into deep thought and revelations but I gassed up and kept on rolling.

I've been on so many shifts this last month. The first shift was the 8am to 8am haul. I stayed home on those days. Contemplating exactly what I was supposed to do with the confusion filled speed bumps that popped up just when the road seemed paved slapped me into a dazed stupor. 8-4, 4-12, 12-8...you better shift if you want to stay afloat.

A median of a normal steady stream of air is what I desire. I desperately want to go each day without holding my breath, sitting and staring at the telephone, or checking my lottery tickets over and over, knowing the numbers don't add up to the jackpot. My eyes have never lost sight of my writing or releasing my first novel. I never understand when someone said they could taste success. Having to shift to stay afloat slammed the taste of success into my soul. I can smell it, feel it, and even have my clothing chosen for my first television debut.

This shift in my life was unexpected. The fact that I didn't total out or file a claim is excellent. I still have the unsettled jitters of being 'at will', which I plan to dispose of in my future. But in the meantime, I'll handle this shift will the exquisite style that I am accustomed to producing.

Is Your Change Adding Up?

 It’s been said that time heals all wounds. I don't think it’s the time alone that heals, but the changes and motion, whether forward or back, that's the medicine. For me it's been forward motion that has my life on the plus side.

The last two years I've struggled with my emotions regarding the death of my father. Hard, evil, angry, miserable - if it equals the word ugly I've felt it. It’s not a good thing, but we all go through it. Death kills us emotionally and then brings us back to Life. Some people live their life to die. Plan for retirement - don't live for it. Plan to live to a fruitful old age - don't hope to live until you're old.

A few weeks after my father died I had a dream about rats and some other stuff that made no sense. My dreams about him always contained a memory of him, but he was never in the dream. Last night I had a dream and he was there. I was in a kitchen and was serving lemon cookies to two of the kids that starred in the Everybody Hates Chris Show. I think the cookies were lemon because two days earlier I bought an Entenmann's Lemon Crunch Cake. Weird. It was the girl, Tanya and the boy, Drew. We were talking about school and teenage stuff. My father was standing by the side of the table and took a few cookies off the plates and ate them. He was smiling and laughing, but I couldn't hear his voice and he never said anything.

When I woke up I remembered the dream and that he was there! My father was in my dream! He was happy and healthy. He had on his glasses and looked just like my daddy. I thought of the times when I was a teenager and would bake cookies. He would come pick a few off the plate and keep walking into the living room to watch TV. I had a hard time remembering good things until lately.

There has been so much forward motion in my life since 2008. Positive motion. I'm still working on financial stability, but my change is adding up. When you step out on faith you step into you. I miss my daddy. I may have pennies in my change purse, but those pennies are adding up to my IT.

Think about who you are, what you want and what you do. Think about the changes you’ve made or are willing to make to get it. A small change is the catapult for greatness. My dream made me realize that I’m getting there. I’m hurt that my father isn’t here, but I’m living. I’m changing and becoming a better person. At the end of each day I don’t feel that my change drawer is short. I can turn in and know that I’ve done good…I’ve done real good. Do your life math; Is Your Change Adding Up?

Uh…does this dream mean that I need to play a number?