It Was For Me

One thing we folks tend to do is make plans. Birthday, holiday, work, vacation, living arrangements - everything is a plan. Some are not very well thought out, while others are detailed to include sub-topics with bullet points. Plans that are made for two people, supposedly for we, but are more focused on one I.

Today, this morning at 7:42( an approximate guess-timate) I learned something that removed unanswered questions and thoughts. When God reveals His why, and breaks it down to your level of understanding; country-fied exclamation -  it don't get no better than that!

A few years back we made plans. While riding into work this morning,  I passed a sign that I previously took pictures of. I'd only see it when leaving the State  after visiting. I see it
more frequently now, so I don't take pictures of it anymore. It was that sign that God showed me His why. It was for me.

We made plans for us, that were for I, and the I is you, but it was for me. Wanda? What did you just say? Me is the one who didn't know what was in motion was already done. Today I know what the what is.

I'm the one who God chose to see that sign on a regular basis, and smile each time as if it were the first. I'm the one who God chose to work in a new State, even if it has been a "test" that He will reveal the results of to me soon. Expeditiously. I'm the one who God chose to encounter a few living arrangements before planting me where He wants me to be. It was for me. He is amazing.

Having faith the size of a mustard seed will give you power. Imagine having faith that can't be measured? We easily say what God has for you is for you, until we don't want to accept what it is. Is this it? This can't be it? I honestly don't recall using those statements, but I do know I've asked why, why, and how numerous times. When you don't see it coming and it just shows up - it was for me.

As I continue on my journey in this new season, I'm grateful that I see my blessings in the moment. I've had many blessings that I've never acknowledged and didn't even realize the benefits that I received from it. I thought it was something that I did. Yes, we have the power of choice, but it's rarely something that we did. For me to break that down will be an entire new post, so I digress...

Today was the best day ever. I say that alot, lately, and that's a good thing. Today I got the "IT" that I didn't see coming nor did I understand. The title means so much more to me than what happened this morning. To know that I am so loved and appreciated, in spite of the many mistakes I've made, deserves an oooooooooweeeeeeeeee!

You can never beat a natural high. Your heart thumps with excitement and your mind races through a field of beautiful dreams. That was me today. Beating, thumping, running and jumping, well, mentally because I was sitting down, but still. The realization of knowing it was for me and that I am the benefactor is unexplainable. Thank you, Jesus.

I luv you.

 

Something In My Heart

On Saturday May 15, 2021 a tight fist filled with uncontrolled rage made a connection with my face. That connection started the movement in my life, which has lead me to this day and this post. As I think about that moment until now, all I can and want to say is oooooooooweeeeeee.

This picture was taken on Monday May 17, 2021. I was chunky and although my insides juggled and felt like black jello, I was determined to be cute. Getting dressed up for work would conceal the fact that something in my heart wasn't quite right. Something in my heart had a small crack in it, yet it didn't crumble. Something in my heart lit a stick of dynamite that didn’t explode; instead, it forced me to keep on pushing.

If you look closely at the lower right side of my face you'll see a dark spot. That's the present that remained for a while as the result of a misguided Santa. What kind of gift is that to give?

The purpose of this post is not what led up to the 3rd round knock out, or to belittle the other party, 'cause yah'll know there are always a few sides to every story. The purpose of this post is just a small part of my healing process. See, I recently realized something about myself and writing this is that one puzzle piece that I don't have to force to fit. Placing it in the perfect spot removes the uncertainty and makes everything better than alright.

No, I do not want to go back. There is absolutely nothing to go back to. I understand that something in my heart desires  forward motion. I understand that I can be loved, that I can love, and that I can be sweet to just one somebody. Man, learning things about yourself is a personal doctorate degree. The information is only for you, and can't not nobody take that knowledge  away.

When I look at this picture I don't see sadness or even focus on the bruise from the inside out on my face. I don't have the dress, wig or the shoes anymore. I do have the earrings, the necklace and the heart. The heart that God has forgiven and bestowed with grace and mercy. Oooooooooweeeeeee...

This post is to let you know that whatever it is you're dealing with or going through, keep going. Save you. Preserve you. Realize that you can't want someone more than you want yourself. You can't beat a spirit. Everything shouldn't be a battle, sadness or miserable. Taking medicine in the form of alcohol, vodka to be specific, won't cure the sickness of despair. Ugh, that reads like depression 101 and who wants to willingly be depressed?

Uhm, 2024 has been real good to me. My 58th birthday ushered in a whole lotta newness and I'm so here for it. I'm here for me to love. Loving me allows me to love you. I know and understand that now. Revelation.

Something in my heart, something in my heart has got me hooked on me...stick around and allow my heart to get hooked on you.

I luv you.