I’mnot
sure of the date, but I wrote this in the latter part of 2017, most likely
during the month of August, September or October. Recently, I flipped through
my study Bible and saw that I wrote the date 8/13/17 in the book of 2 Kings 4:7
- 5:1. In my study Bible the chapter titles are,
1. Elisha Raises the
Shunammite's Son.
2. Elisha Purifies the
Pot of Stew.
3. Elisha Feeds One
Hundred Men.
4. Naaman’s Leprosy
Healed.
Written across the top
of the two pages are simple words, posed as a question to myself. What has God
given me and I’m watching it die?
Sporadic thoughts travel
through my mind similar to a sniper rapidly firing in a failed professional
attempt to hit the target. The sniper knows if the bullseye is not met, they
will be the next. Deemed a failure, or the ultimate – sent to the undertaker
without a chance to notify their next of kin. Okay, wait, it’s not that bad. I
think I should stop watching hitman movies late at night.
I’ve read the chapters
a few times and cannot figure out or remember why I wrote those words in that
chapter. I ask myself what has God given me? Am I watching it die? What is the state of
your mind in to allow yourself to sit and watch something die? You have to do
something. Try something. Call for help. Watch it die? No, that’s not me at
all.
Proactive. Productive.
Persevere. Pounce. Push.
It could be that I am in
yet another shift. Yes, that’s it. The P-Shift. Last night I woke up from a deep sleep, a calling the hogs kind of sleep. I can’t recall if I was dreaming, but I sat up, grabbed my
phone and typed the words, peace,(heavy on the peace) prosperity (heavy on the
prosperity) and purpose (heavy on the purpose).
I stared at the
ceiling thinking about my past and dozed off and on trying to figure it out. Questioning
myself, and twisting and turning like a broken Rubik’s Cube. Just can’t get
right. Answers come from the most beautiful places and always on time
Basically, everything is not that deep. Everything is not a 10,000 piece puzzle,
complete with missing pieces, that has to be put together in one hour. I don’t
have to figure it all out because there is nothing to figure out. Just live, Wanda. Just live.
I’m not watching what
God has given me die, but I am guilty of not giving it the nourishment it
requires. Seeing those words were the signal for me to come out of hibernation.
My signal for contentment to move over, mind its business, and stop me from relaxing
in someone else’s comfort zone.
What I know for sure is
that He will move you away from what is killing you, breathe life into you as
He carries you through, and allow you to watch the beauty of you flourish
before your eyes.
How many moments have you missed
while being preoccupied with nothing? Something? Uninterrupted bliss that has
no meaning, yet you seem to adore the idle time spent. If you sit and ponder
years gone by, the inability to count the time not well spent might possibly
hurt your feelings.
Dreams, in the same thought process, sometimes, have a meaning. Could the
sometimes be always? The numbers dream, the fish dream, and the worst one of
them all, the bathroom dream. Trying to figure out the real and true meaning might cause endless grief. Creating fantasy ideas and attempting to see
them through because you had a dream based on mindless activity, is a fool’s
paradise on a deserted island.
Daydreaming is classified as creative mind wandering, escapes and premonitions. We’re present, yet not aware of the real-time life
that is currently passing us by. Moments that we’ll never see or experience
again simply because our imagination has taken over our life reigns momentarily.
What is your reality? Is your fantasy more intriguing? Will you manifest it into
a living, breathable thing? A thing that you will nurture? A thing that will
satisfy you? A thing that is as passionate about you as you are about it?
Recently while driving my mind
wandered to a lovely place. The place was pristine and immaculate, so much so, that I forget I was
driving. I know, right? It wasn’t a falling asleep at the wheel wandering because
my peripheral vision was on guard. I'd driven down this particular road many
times and have seen deer readying themselves to run the 100 meter dash. A
passing car is the same as a starter pistol and most times the deer and the car
are never the victor.
My interrupted reality, although
brief, was beautiful. I’m not certain of what I daydreamed about, but I am
certain that one hundred percent absolute peace covered me. Wandering in
imagination and the present met head on. A disastrous collision didn’t occur;
the realization that my thing is coming did. I know this without a doubt
because God shook me out of the daydream. He allowed me to experience His beauty
in the present, as well as what He has in store for me.
The picture above is what I saw when
my focused returned. I saw beauty in my future and saw beauty in my present. I
didn’t miss a thing! His protection is amazing! Stop thinking it’s you. Stop
thinking it’s them. Start believing it’s always Him.
There have been times when I imagine, or daydream about situations I wanted to begin and end differently.
There are times when I simply zone out and think about nothing. I’ve been told
that I have the attention span of lint (I do have the attention span of lint,
but I digress) Do I always dream right? No. Have I learned not to linger long
and wrong? Eh, I’m working on that.
I know what I like and what I’m
passionate about. I can’t put a title on what my thing is. A portion of it is
peaceful excitement. I’ve learned that if “that” didn’t work it’s okay.
Frustration and worry are not part of anybody’s goodness.
As always, keep believing, keep
living, and keep loving. I’m not suggesting to literally drive and dream, but
drive your dreams until you’re able to feel, touch, see and even smell them.
Move out of your way and gain understanding. Keep rolling my friend because His dream for you is some kind of good.
When life happens and changes for you, it's not solely just for you. You should tell it, share it and ultimately encourage someone else. Good things happen to good people (I'm that good people) and every part of that good needs to be shared.
First, I have to say that I am grateful for my place of employment. Grateful and thankful. You know you gotta give thanks before you blast off. At least that's the made up rule "we" follow and change with each situation, so follow the bouncing ball and try not to catch a case of a little whiplash.
"Let's get ready to rumble!"
"On your mark, get set, go!"
"Gentlemen, start your engines!"
"You dropped a bomb on me!"
"Action!"
I know I hear each of those statements in unison when I enter the building where I work. An unorganized insane asylum where everyone knows how to solve the problem. Along with the problem solving everyone should add that everyone is the problem. Like, for real, what?
Imagine walking on a live minefield with hot cherry bombs dropping from the ceiling. They land close enough to shock your shell, but not close enough to deter you from your assigned mission. The most you can do is suck your teeth or scrunch your face, and keep on stepping towards the next quiet kaboom.
Exaggerated chaos. Uh, what is exaggerated chaos? Chaos in itself is a stand alone noun that doesn't need a sentence to gain understanding. Twenty-five assignments have to be completed each minute at the same time without delay. Oh, did I mention grenades? I can't forget about the grenades. Pull your pin and get it in! What?
I work in the back of the building and it takes 200+ steps to get from the front to my designated work area. While walking to the back of the building I might have to stop, drop and roll, dip, slip, and dodge a bullet, defend myself with a shield and swing a sword. Exaggerated chaos indeed!
To think that someone traveled that hideous obstacle course to find me - just me, is amazing! Before the person reached me, I was aggravated, bothered and annoyed. They came because they needed me, but in actuality, I needed them.
They received bad news and the grenades, cherry bombs and minefield wouldn't stop them from getting to me. Would you believe they asked me to pray for them? Me? Pray for you? Ain't nothing but God!
God sent her to me for me. I prayed and spoke what God placed in my heart for her. God sent her to me when I was just about done. What is wrong with people? I was so sick of all of it! And then I wasn't. Why? Because He is in all things.
He was all in her thing and gave her what she needed. He was all in my thing and gave me what I needed. In all of that exaggerated chaos we needed to hit the brakes and pray. For those few moments I didn't hear or see confusion. I saw God's love for me.
The next day I saw her and asked how she felt. She said she was okay and added she appreciated me. Man, listen...I navigated my way through the minefield knowing that I know, that I know, that I know He is in all things.
You're never alone. When you're frustrated and disengaged He's there. In your happiness or feeling of rejection, He's there. He's in the cherry bombs that can't destroy you.
"Church Folk" have a million little sayings that supposedly will save the day. You don't realize how true the sayings are until you have to apply them to your life.
Am I on the straight and narrow? Probably not. I started a fight with a "thing" that I know I won't win, yet I keep it around just because. That's but an entirely different post, but I digress.
Take this from a pretty brown girl who loves you. Don't wait until you need Him to need Him. He's Already there anyway. Amen?
1 Peter 1:14- as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance.
The start of a new year brings an eagerness to commit to change within one's life. The excitement of being granted another fresh start, another chance, to correct past mistakes is something many of us look forward to. We begin thinking of the many changes we'll make in November, and sometimes earlier, but can't press the start button until January 1st. We jot down resolutions that may, or may not, make it past the 2-week trial period. And let's not forget about the pledge to lose weight by joining The Forgotten Treadmills of America Club. You know good and 2025 doggone well you ain't going to the gym...
Still, we persevere with brilliant blueprints designed to make us the best of the best that society has to offer. No faults or imperfections. The, "That" could never be me," mentality has continued to fool many of us. "That" is you, it's just "That" in a different form.
Some of us perfect people choose one positive word to sum up our new efforts. Each year my one word is obedience. Each year I ask myself why do I always choose the word obedience. Well, it's been said that you have to repeat the same error over and over until you get it right. Geesh, what in the world do I keep messing up? And every year? Dang, Wanda.
I promise you each day I receive multiple blessings. I also promise you I'm proof that you can get some good stuff even when you don't deserve good stuff. I did a deep dive into the word obedience as it pertains to me and realized that the things I attached the word obedience to didn't equate to 365 days. It didn't add up to 6 months straight or, at times 2 days. Dang, Wanda!
The issue with my word, or better yet, me, is what I choose to be obedient to. Realizing that I'm not consistent kinda messed me up a bit. Gotta be truthful with who you are and who you present to the world. Going outside each day and striving to come home to an Oscar award ceremony that no one attends is absolute stupidity. A seven-day cruise to a fool's paradise where everything that you paid for is free? What? I'm not trying to figure that out.
Consistent and obedience are my 2 words for 2025. I thank God for allowing me to be aware and feel in the moment experiences. I finally understand that I can't share what is especially for me. That doesn't mean you're selfish or don't have concern for others. That does mean that what's for you is for you, and you better love it as such. You also can't tell everything nor can you include folks who don't have the same mindset. Differences make the world go around and opposites attract. Sometimes the differences and opposites are filled with love. And that's a good thing.
2025 is the year I plan to do everything right! And here we go...I done messed up already! Dang Wanda...
Soooooooooooooo, I'm obedient in what I'm supposed to do. You know, daily life stuff - requirements. I'm not obedient in things outside of the norm. At times what I want and how I feel cause my mind to focus on thoughts that I shouldn't, but I want to and I like it, so I do. Wants added with feelings may cause you to become a manipulated puppet to emotions. They control you and your obedience is null and void. (not conforming yourselves to the former) Until you gain control of you, go sit down in a truck stop bathroom and hang a sign around your neck. Out.Of.Order.
Being consistently obedient to what you want is a battle with a beast! If it isn't a need, but more so a desire - Out.Of.Order.
If you could see my thoughts, you'd see me trying to walk across Niagara Falls on a tightrope, falling off and landing on the Titanic as it's sinking, and then trying to outswim Jaws while looking for a helicopter that has dropped a safety ladder. Oh, the horror.
This life requires you to be obedient in all things. What you feed your body, your mind and your soul matters. But yah'll know how "we" get down. A lil' brown liquor, a box of Newport 100s and fried chittlins' never hurt nobody until it hurts you. Consistently greasy and obediently out of breath. Man listen...
Sequential small things will keep you on the right track. Sometimes we need to simply turn the TV off, tune out the reckless noise and sit in silence. I received a reality check one night while watching an ooooooooweeeee program. I won't mention the name of the show that slapped me in my face. Someone on the screen looked directly me and said,
"Girl, this is why you're struggling with consistent obedience."
"But..."
"Turn it off."
I ain't had no business watching the show but, yeah, uh, never mind.
The ways that I attempt to reason with my obedience is laughable. The situation isn't the same, maybe similar, but not exactly the same. The people, places and things are different, so as long as I don't do that I'm okay doing this. Nope! Gotta be all in or gotta be all in. And that's the way it's gotta be.
What I will say I know for sure is that when God tells you no, tell Him thank you. Life is beautiful. Don't jack yours up continuing to fight an opponent that,
1. Doesn't want to be in the ring with you in the first place.
2. Will unplug your life support and then plug it back in just to see you struggle again.
We can be consistently obedient to situations that cause us harm, an activity, habit or a person. Loyalty to a distraught individual is the worst. You ain't gotta rely on a fool, that absolutely knows they're a fool, and enjoys the foolish attention they receive to slow down your progress.
Did you make a choice to remain in agreement with a person, place or thing that picks stupidity daily as their road map? Is that where your consistent obedience lies? If you paused before answering, ask yourself what's really going on with you.
Listen, we gotta pray that Godzilla doesn't get to the helicopter before me because that will be tragic. Everybody gets a turn, so if I get got, you're on deck next. Come on, my friend; consistent obedience or consequences and repercussions? We gotta get through this life together. Will you work with me?
I've been told that I'm persistent, and I agree with that. I've been told that I'm determined, and I also agree with that. Add proactive and independent to the list, too. Independence was my green light to do things without hesitation, and my proactive nature caused me to halt many of the nonsense I started before it derailed, burst into flames, and died. I'm not sure if my persistence or determination caused me to do some of the ridiculous things I did when I was young, though. I'll chalk it up to being an innocent child and give myself a pass.
Daily I heard, "don't touch that," which came from my parents. Most times I complied because my daddy's belt was the king of discipline. The one thing that held power over me and always trumped my parents and the belt, was an electrical outlet. Wall sockets always smiled at me in our 22nd Street apartment and I knew I heard them call my name.
"Come here, Niecy."
"Niecy, I'm bored. Come talk to me."
"Wanda Denise Hudson! Little girl, you know you want to be my friend."
Hearing my full name was a call to action. It wanted to play with me. A friendly game of tag, you're it, was all the socket required.
I don't remember how I knew that I wasn't supposed to stick anything in the socket, I just knew not to do it. I have always been talkative and friendly, and even though the sockets were off limit, they would not be denied the opportunity of getting to know me.
How did I know my mother's sewing scissors would fit perfectly in the socket? I'll call it natural knowledge. Or better yet, common sense. The kind of common sense to know it was wrong but not common enough to know not to do it. That's confusing...
I can see myself as I type this. I was on my knees in me and my brother's room, directly in front of the outlet. Yah'll, I tell no lies when I say that thing smiled at me! I inched closer, leaned forward and slowly moved my left hand, which held the scissors, closer to it's mouth. Why did I move so slow? Was it because I knew something would or would not happen? The real question is why didn't I stop? Because the socket wanted to be my friend, that's why!
Well, well, well...the tip of the scissors walked into the socket's house, and the lyrics from DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince' song played for me before they knew it would be a hit for them.
Boom, shake shake shake the room, boom, shake shake shake the room, boom, shake shake shake the room, tick, tick, tick, tick, boom!
The socket thrust me back forcefully while saying, "Uh, uh, little girl, we will have none of that breaking and entering up in here!"
"What? I thought you wanted to be my friend! I don't get it..."
I think I was airborne for a good 3 seconds and then I hit the floor hard, on my back. I don't know how long I was unconscious for. I'm cracking up now as I'm writing this!
I opened my eyes to see my mother standing over me.
"Niecy..."
When I was older and could understand, my mother told me the lights flickered, went black, BOOM, and then came back on. She knew I'd done something. I was always doing something. She walked up the stairs and came into the room to see me laying on my back. My arms and legs were spread wide in preparation for making a snow angel. I heard a low gasp when she saw the scissors. They lay a few inches from my left hand with the tip emitting a low singed ember.
We can read that I didn't die, nor was I physically hurt. My feelings were shook up due to the socket violating our friendship. My mother helped me up off the floor and told me not to touch her scissors again. Shock and gratitude probably stopped her from saying anything else. Thankfully, my father wasn't home. He would've torn my tail all the way up! I'll tell yah'll about my crayon incident one day. Oooooooooweeeeeee...
The saying, in the pocket, is what we use when that thing fits. In baseball, the ball is thrown and secure in the glove, in the pocket. When that happens the person on deck probably struck out. Musicians play in the pocket and we hear a beat like no other. Listen to James Brown for complete understanding. When we're in sync and everything lines up for us, our world is in the pocket. Perfection.
During an eighth-grade group discussion regarding various relationships, the teacher said men and women fit together like a plug in a socket. I think on that at times and wonder, will they continue to fit when the socket has a boom reaction?
Life is full of socket experiences. We identify them with the simple phrase of, "What happened?"
One minute, everything is rolling along smoothly. Your job. Your finances. Your relationship. And then, BOOM. The shock of your life happens and knocks you out! One sucker punch to the gut that takes your next few breaths. It shows no mercy and leaves you smoking with no explanation required.
What causes us to have an, in the socket, experience? Some call it temptation. When I hear the word temptation I think of illicit behavior. Dirty things that you bet not tell nobody. A feel good dirty that's not so good for you. A dirty that you don't want to get clean from. Did the socket tempt me or did I tempt myself? I was a child, so I'll go with curious. Dang...curiosity killed the cat. I don't want to die as a result of being curious or illicit behavior. Then again, some things aren't temptation or curiosity. They're just there.
Examine yourself. Are you aiming for sockets and are full aware and know of the shock that's waiting just for you after the initial thrill? The adrenaline rush? Will you continue to aim and hope that you recover from the delicate ticks? Being a little shook up never hurt nobody, right? Just ask a boxer. They take some heavy hitter jabs and get a break when the bell rings. Eventually the bout is over - do they suffer any consequences after 10 rounds of boom?
The general consensus is that when we know better, we do better. Some of us know better and do different, which doesn't necessarily mean better, just different. Same MO, same game plan, but you recruited "better" players. When it doesn't work the boom of the socket, or the, "What happened", is always your fault that you aren't comfortable taking responsibility for, so off to the next socket you go.
100% honesty for me; I'm still aiming. Why? Curiosity, not temptation. Insert your favorite quotes here-
"Nothing beats a failure but a try."
"An excuse is a reason for nothing."
"If at once you don't succeed, try again."
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
"Go ahead and do it, Wanda. Just do it." - I made that one up.
Be honest with yourself and reality check your connections. What are you plugged in to or attempting to receive a surge from? Is it welcoming? Were you invited? Do you fit in the socket comfortably, or is there a BOOM waiting patiently for you?
The way we think about current experiences or remember past situations, will at times, bring a smile to our face. This BLOG came about due to a simple picture. Nothing grand or spectacular to shout about, just a picture of a golden yellow kitten.
I was at work and had the pleasure (yes, work can be pleasurable) of viewing a magazine with a kitten on the cover. The kitten transported my mind back to an afternoon in 1970. My mother cleaned house for a white family, and since I only attended school for half-days, I went with her. I won't add that in the 80's my mother told me that their house was nasty. It wasn't nasty because they were white, it was nasty because they were nasty. Oh, I wasn't going to add that part...oops.
My family lived on 22nd Street in Niagara Falls and I shared a room with my brother. A 4 year old girl who longed for a life of luxury - yeah, right, going to a house where another little girl had her own room fit for a princess was life! I can't remember the family or the girl's name, but her room was fancy to me. She had a pink bedroom and her bed had a pink comforter with pillows that were covered in lace. The room also had a rocking chair, dolls and more toys than I had ever seen. We weren't po', but dang, she had stuff.
She also had kittens. I usually exaggerate the story by saying there were at least 450 kittens. This will forever be visible, so I'll tell the truth and say there were 3 kittens. Still, when I tell it live, it may be 4 to 50'leven kittens.
What child wouldn't want to play with a pet? My daddy didn't buy our first daschund, Schultz, until I was 5, so those kittens were going to get all the love my 4 year old heart had to give.
How was I supposed to know the kittens didn't want love? Nobody told me that you shouldn't corner a kitten, cat or any animal. Man, I got jacked up!
The kittens crawled under the little girl's bed to get away from me and I wasn't having any of their escape tactics. I lay flat on my stomach and slid forward to pull them out. My sliding forward terrified them, causing them to move backwards. When their backsides hit the wall they had no where to go. Attack!
Those kittens tore me up! Kitten claws and teeth bit my face, hands and neck. I didn't think to slide backwards but I did think to scream. Have you ever paid attention to how loud a child is? If you have a high tolerance for noise, listen to any random child's voice. It's annoying and especially loud when you're not the parent of the child.
The kittens tore me up for 30 minutes (not really, it was only a few seconds, but I digress) before I felt the little girl's mother grab my feet and slide me from under the bed. Oooooooooweeeeeee, traumatic...
Memories are always a beautiful thing when you learn something about yourself and realize, hey, maybe you're not so bad after all. Defensive line.
The kittens had a defensive line. Everyone has a defensive line. I have a defensive line. The question is, is there a right and/or a wrong way to protect your line?
Sports teams have a defensive squad and their job is to stop the invasion by all means necessary. You will not score on my watch.
Is that how you view your life? Are you always on the defense? Is life always coming for you? Who attempted to or has crossed your line? By what means did you deem, all means necessary, to stop them?
Sometimes its "us" or "you", and the choices "we" make that cause the issue. Sometimes people like to "see" what will happen when the bear is poked. If your reaction is the same as the kittens, the culprit always views you as the problem. If you do nothing, you're weak or soft. Still, you and we have a right to protect our boundaries. Don't cross the line and "make" or "force" a Hulk like experience - "Don't make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry."
I didn't get mad at the kittens for violating my face. I cried and whined while the white lady consoled me. My mother was just about tired of my loud mouth and most likely couldn't wait for my daddy to pick us up.
"I told you to leave them alone!"
Now I realized that I embarrassed her, but at the time, I was 4, tore up, and was not able to understand. Up in the white man's house cuttin' up a fool. One time I flipped the rocking chair over trying to make it take off like a swing on the playground. Cuttin' up a whole fool...😂
Adults tend to get mad at the person who they crossed the line with. Believing that they are never wrong doesn't help either. Ask yourself are you "that" person, or are you "that" person?
Two things that I've learned from this memory are, 1. I do like kittens and cats, I just don't want one. The other is you have the right to protect yourself. Not saying you should blast everyone, just saying protect your defensive line.
If you've bulldozed your way into someone's space and happen to be the recipient of grown up kitten claws, don't get mad and don't get even. Get some get right up in you and keep on living. If you've been bulldozed, forgive and keep on living. Either way the common denominator is to keep on living.
I luv you.
My forever wittle babies, Schultz, Fritz and Frank❤
I think about my father
often, yet lately he's been on heavy rotation. Gentle memories slip and slide
through my mind and leave a big smile on my face, or cause me to laugh and feel
good afterwards. Last week I thought about him and wanted to cry. I heard
his voice asking me, "What are you crying for?", and then I started
laughing. Listen, grief, sorrow, joy and happiness need to have a meeting
because I can't keep up.
My father would say
things that I may not have completely understood when he said it, but as I grew
older, the lyrics, we'll understand it better by and by, oooooooooweeeeeee, yes
sir - I understand.
"Ya daddy ain't
always gone be here."
"Where are you
going?"
He didn't answer me. He
just smiled and let out a little chuckle. I understand that now. Boy do I
understand that.
When I started my foray
into stand up comedy, I told my father how I worked myself up and made myself
nervous. What? Oh no! Bobby James Hudson wasn't having or hearing any of that!
His baby girl nervous? Please...
"Baby girl they're
just people. They can't do nothing to you. They're just people."
They're just people. I
get it. Regardless of a person's title or position - they're just people. God
is no respecter of persons. We.Are.All.Going.To.Die We are all just people.
People are the most
ridiculous creatures on the earth. We start to move up the chain and begin
treating each other recklessly. Coming out of our mouth any old kind of way.
Negro, and that's negro with a short I, 2 G's and a long A, what?
My father's words are on
repeat due to the position I currently work, which will change soon. Thank God
for favor! I'm grateful to be gainfully employed, BUT you gotta know that
you know, and when to thank God and go!
How in the entire
employed and unemployed mentality can you be terrified of your
"boss", and the "boss" is half terrified, too? I wrote that
and started laughing...like what?
I've shared this with
close friends and I have to share it with my many admirers who will never
personally meet me. Listen, my daddy said they're just people. People do what
you allow. If you're not being treated right, you feel uneasy, or you just
can't get right - just can't put your finger on it - they're just people.
Stand up for yourself.
Speak up for yourself. We wrestle not with flesh, look that up in your Bible.
The sad thing is some people don't even know they're best friends with a
stankin' spirit. A spirit that's running and ruining their life. Why would you
allow some raggedy mess to upset, discouraged and discombobulate you? Naw, playa,
I think not.
Life is a beautiful
journey. One somebody somewhere loves you. Think on that and live.
.jpg)
